I learned the truth from Seventeen

Ah, my old Seventeen mags from the 80’s.  The crazy eyebrows, the glove with the ring on top, the head bow that you usually only see on babies — this look unapologetically says, “Notice me” and “I’m not looking for a boyfriend” and “Step away, hobos!” all at the same time.  I especially love that they thought teenage girls described clothes as “marvelous,” a word I would’ve only used when imitating that Billy Crystal character.

And remember when not being sluts was cool?  I would say I love the message of abstinence on the cover, but 2 pages in, there’s this ad:

It says, “Nuance says yes.  But you can always say no.”  “Um… okay.  You mean, say no to drugs, right?” my 13-year-old or so self says.  And this gal’s wearing a negligee — like we all did as teen and tween girls.  I mean, I had the pink underwear that said “I’m Baby Soft,” as in the Love’s perfume, but that was also creepy.

Back then, we wanted to be and look older — er, “sophisticated.”  Get a load of these gals:

I imagine the casting call was “20 to look 45.”  An unexpected surprise in this particular issue was this ad, for the Columbia Record N Tape club:

These were some of my picks, had I been brave enough to get in on this insane offer:

This is how I know my husband and I were meant to be together:

Here’s a weird ad for tampons:

I don’t remember them ever touching the tampon.  I don’t know how much that sells it.  Speaking of ads, here’s one…

… for your HOPE CHEST!

Makeup… fashion… articles about baskets… Seventeen has it all, girls.

Pack light, but don’t forget your granny panties!

I still want every single one of these shoes.

My 10 or so 80’s Seventeens.  Should they stay or should they go?


4 Comments on “I learned the truth from Seventeen”

  1. kirstelisa says:

    You NEED to keep those. I have my Young Miss mags still and there is a huge spread in there of an up and coming model cutely smiling at the camera while eating her salad for behind the shoot shots, named Whitney…Huston. You must keep! It’s a time capsule.

  2. Christine says:

    Wow! This is definitely my favorite likemother post to date! My daughters share a Seventeen subscription now, and looking through it sometimes makes me miss the chic mystique it used to have. I have to make sure they read this; it’s hilarious (the granny panties, the Columbia record club). My issues (zine issues) were from the days of caterpillar eyebrows (the Pretty Baby look, also very creepy in retrospect). I saved my Jodie Foster one for only about ten years, so you have me beat.

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