I was never voted as the one person to win something cool in high school. I don’t count my senior year when I got “Most Spirited,” because that title suggests the recipient of it is annoying.
BUT! As a freshman in college, I was voted “Best Pledge” by my pledge class, and so I therefore got to take home this marble-with-felt-backing engraved paperweight:
I was the pledge class president, but I don’t think people voted for me because of my outstanding leadership of the weekly meetings or my co-crafting of some of the little skitches we performed house-to-house down fraternity row or my great dancing to “Walk the Dinosaur” during Sigma Chi Derby. I think I was just the most vocal, i.e. spirited.
I enjoyed my sorority experience for the most part. I moved into the house as soon as I could (my junior year). Now, not having access to a private toilet was the opposite of a perk; especially when another sister would join you in the next stall and chat you up while you were trying to poop quietly and anonymously. There are many stories about these heady days that I am sure I will mine for the many decades I continue this blog. But the story I will tell today is that of the eyeliner bandit a/k/a/ me.
If you lived in the house, you were obligated to do two things: 1) poop in a multi-stall bath and 2) decorate your room’s door. Usually this was done with fabrics and wallpapers and wooden letters that had bubbly fonts. Also, bulletin boards were hung with abandon. And you better bet those bulletin boards had flowery ribbons. Pinned to those flowery bulletin boards were photos taken at various and sundry “date functions” that had themes like luau, cave people, and street gangs. Also: things that started with the letters A B or C; babies; pirates; the backwoods.
Well, I thought it would be hilarious to take a black eyeliner pencil and draw mustaches on one single photo on everyone’s doors. As I lumbered from room to room, I giggled uncontrollably, kind of like when I watch Jay Leno do “Headlines,” which is hilarious and you know it. I tested on my own photos — the marks wiped off easily with just your fingernail. A perfect prank, so thought I.
It was only after the second of the LaVarge twins saw her defaced photo and started sobbing loudly and angrily that I thought this was something I should not continue doing along the house’s other wings.
Still, je ne regrette rien!